The Shed

When G and I bought our house, we knew we’d have to put a shed in the backyard because we don’t have a garage.  After storing all the tools and crap inside our house for over a year, we decided it was time to find a shed.  Well, finding a shed was easy.  Finding out how much work we’d have to do before we could even assemble the shed…that was hard.

First, we found a place in the yard to put the shed:



Our yard is not level and slopes down from right to left.  We tried to find a place that wasn’t too sloped because, according to our contractor (and my former coworker, Steve), we needed to dig an 8 ft. by 8 ft. hole, put about 4 inches of gravel in it and make sure it was level.  I’m an idiot so I thought that would be easy.

We had gravel delivered to our driveway and borrowed wheelbarrows, shovels and a level from our neighbor.


We started digging, but I was really bad at that.  The ground was really f*cking hard so I decided it would be more fun to take pictures of the animals that came by to laugh at watch us.



That’s Bing’s girlfriend, Holly.  She is one of the nicest cats I’ve ever met.


Jack couldn’t believe we were all outside together.


While I wasted time and bitched about how hot it was, G was busy, busy, busy!


So I decided to take credit for his work.


Eventually, he stopped digging and we had a pretty good square.


Moving the gravel from the front of the house f*cking sucked, but we did it.  For those of you who didn’t know…gravel is really heavy.


Kennedy stopped by to make sure everything was level.


She is an expert leveler.

After we finished, we waited a couple of days for our contractor to visit and assemble the base.  As luck would have it, the only day all of us were available was the day it was supposed to be 101 degrees.  Perfect building weather!  Steve drove up early in the morning and got to our house at 9:00 am.

Because he is so anal on top of things, he had all the wood measured, cut and marked so all we had to do was screw it together.  Brilliant.


Holly came back to supervise.


I always thought you were supposed to wear close-toed shoes when you build things…Steve likes to wear flip flops.  Interesting.


G was really excited when Steve asked him to pre-drill holes in the particle board.



Less than 90 minutes later…


WE HAD A BASE!  We loaded all Steve’s tools into his truck and he pulled out of the driveway at 10:36 am.  Not bad.  THANKS STEVE!

Next, it was time to build the shed.  It was delivered in two giant boxes.


I considered not even building the shed because I kind of liked having a stage in the backyard.


I was working on my audition for my second part-time job…as a pole dancer.  We don’t have a pole (shocking, I know) so I was just practicing with the tamper we bought.  At least I’m resourceful.

Anyway, I love putting things together so I was excited about assembling the shed.  It was my job to read the directions, hand G the right tools and tell him what to do.  I’m very good at all of those things.  It took us about five hours…


We didn’t even fight, file for divorce or have to take anything apart to re-assemble it!  Go us!  We also had another supervisor…



These creatures are too relaxed.

Anyway, the shed looks great and we now have some much needed storage.


Posted in Creatures, House, Trophy Husband | 2 Comments

Two Birthdays!

We had the most of the gang over yesterday to celebrate two birthdays!!



Per usual, G made the rounds to get pictures with all the dumb kids.



And we experienced a birthday miracle…


Kaz smiled FOR A PICTURE!



It didn’t take long for the kids to put in a movie so they could ignore the adults.



And look at those floor pillows…I MADE THEM!  I’m pretty proud of myself and I have enough memory foam left to make two more.  Amazing.  I used the tutorial on this website.

Per usual, I have only one picture of myself…at least it’s proof that I was there!


Two others that don’t get enough pictures:


Nice smile, Tim!

After eating a ton of food, we decided to take the crazy kids to the park.  Kennedy just wanted to run!


It was like a parade of idiots.



Once we got to the park, there was a lot of swinging,




some daredevil action,




a bit of sliding,



and a little Miley Cyrus impersonating???





That kid’s going to be a nightmare.  And I’m going to love every minute of it!!

It was a great birthday party and we all had a lot of fun!

Posted in Crafting, Eating, Family | 2 Comments

A BBQ, Blurriness, and The Kennedy

I took a day off from delivering pizzas to attend an engagement BBQ for my cousin, Kyle!


Kyle is getting married in October and I’m so excited!!  But I like this picture of us better:


The blurriness helps smooth my wrinkles and I look like I lost 50 pounds!!!  Although, it also kind of looks like Kyle’s trying to touch my boob.  I don’t think he’s actually touching me, but wow, that looks weird.

I also got to hang out with this lady:


And apparently, I like to turn my head so it looks like it’s not attached to my body.  Neat.  As you can probably tell, Kennedy was very excited about the food…


And not that excited about hanging out with me!  I guess she still likes G, though.


The BBQ was in Kyle and Lauren’s backyard…about two blocks from our house.



It was so nice to be able to walk there and the weather was perfect tonight!  I also decided that it’s time for us to get our sh*t together and do something with our backyard.

Kennedy was most excited when her dad let her get in the tree:


Well, until she played the fake-sleep game with me when we got back to our house.





She thought this was hilarious…and I think she’s a genius.


Posted in Eating, Family | Leave a comment

A Major Milestone

Last week, on July 31, 2014, my little baby dog…


TURNED 14!!!


He’s had quite an eventful life thus far.  He’s lived in Washington, Oregon and California (the West Coast is the best coast).  He survived my poor decision to attend law school, my extra-poor decision to take bar exams in two states, having George as a father, and even a few cat-siblings!


(OMFG, I miss Jack’s mohawk haircut.)

  Best dog ever.


Posted in Creatures | 2 Comments

Five Months

As of August 1, 2014, I’ve worked my part-time pizza delivery job for five months!  Did I ever think I’d last this long?  Umm, no.  I was actually shocked when I reported for work the first night (and each night for about a month).  And it’s amazing to me that so many people have quit and been fired and I’m the one who’s still showing up!  Go me or maybe I’m the idiot.

Anyway, I’ve learned a lot about working as a driver.  When I applied for the job, I had no idea I’d have to do everything.  I don’t know if it’s like this for delivery drivers at all restaurants, but I make pizzas, carry food out to customers, take orders, fill the salad bar, bus tables, ref laser tag and do a f*ckton of dishes.


I took that picture last night.  I’m normally scheduled to close on Friday and Saturday nights.  On those nights, it’s not unusual for me to do dishes for 3 or 4 hours straight.  I really f*cking hate it.  Well, I don’t hate it, but I hate it when I’m still washing dishes at 2:00 am…like I was last night.  I had no idea that delivery drivers had to do so much crap.  Just about every night I ask to be promoted to “driver-only.”  So far, no promotion.

As for tipping, there is still no rhyme or reason.  I’ve found that I’m more likely to get a 20% tip on a $20-$25 order than on a larger order.  BUT, I have received a 10 cent tip on a $17 order.  And yes, that pissed me off.  I don’t care if you want to round up to the next dollar…I’d rather get nothing than 10 f*cking cents…you f*cking @sshole.  No hard feelings, though.

One thing that helped me make it 5 months is that I switched my work schedules so I always have Sunday and Monday off…from both jobs.  That helped so much.  Although, it is a bit weird starting my weekend when everyone else is getting ready to go back to work.  Whatever, it’s working.  For now.

Posted in Part-Time Gig | 1 Comment